Walmart musings

I am too much in my head lately. I have all of these thoughts racing through my brain each one vying for my undivided attention, it is overwhelming and I just want to curl up in my bed and hide. Obviously, I can’t/shouldn’t do that…. So, I am going to start this blog, I am not sure blog is the correct definition of what I am doing, what is a word that means metaphorically vomiting your thoughts via the written word? Anywho, I had to go to Walmart today. (Insert Dun Dun DUN!!! Music) I am not a fan of shopping at Walmart, to me it feels like I am in a race for my life to get out of there. There are people everywhere and if I am not careful, one of those people will actually talk to me there by in sighting the anxiety that devours my thought process when trying to carry on a conversation. My heart begins to race, I start to sweat, we’re not talking a light perspiration either we are talking a full-on rain forest sweat where at any moment a worker is going to walk by, see my down pour and yell over the loud speaker, “ CLEAN UP ON ISLE 4!”  I try giving the person I’m talking to my undivided attention (actually they are talking to me) but it is hard to concentrate, my heart is beating in my ears, my chest is tight and I know at any moment I am going to stick my size 13 foot in my mouth insuring a sleepless night of the constant thought “Why did I say that?” My big clod hopper made a grand appearance in my mouth today but not before something interesting bordering on sweet happened.

People usually have two responses when meeting me, its usually “She always looks so mad!” Its true I do have a serious case of RBF (Resting B. Face) but it takes a lot for me to be mad at someone. (Kids and Hubs don’t count 😊) or they tell me their life story, which I might add has happened to me on numerous occasions  at Walmart! (DUN DUN DUN!!!) So, I was standing in the check out line trying to think nice thoughts about the lady arguing with the store manager about her coupon for a different body wash that the coupon was for, when a young woman behind me said “I like your shoes” “Thx” I responded thinking to my self (“Keep calm you’re almost done”)

She spoke to me again “My girlfriend has those same shoes, well she was my girlfriend actually my fiancé, but she dumped me for someone else”

I felt my chest tighten, my heart race and my pours preparing for the tidal wave that was sure to come… I did manage to get an “I m sorry” out.

She then proceeded to tell me how she was sure her girlfriend was the one and now she doesn’t know what she’s going to do. She packed up all of her belongings and was moving from Denver back to Utah and she feels lost she had to leaver her job (She’s an ER nurse she told me that too) and all of her friends and her Dog. (His name is Snickers by the way)

By this time the coupon lady had finally given up on her crusade to use her coupon for the wrong body wash and I was able to move up to the register so there was this awkward silence between this heartbroken girl and me… The sweaty lady with the cool shoes…

I quickly paid for my things and managed to say “Good luck to you, I hope things get better.”

She smiled slightly and quietly said “Thx” Off I went headed for the door, receipt in hand to prove that I wasn’t a shop lifter (A quick side note on that. It’s usually the cute little old people that check the receipts, what are they going to do if someone stole something?) I got out the door when a memory hit like a ton of bricks. There was a time where I had convinced myself that a certain someone was the one and he had chosen someone else. That was a gut wrenching hurt, the kind of hurt that feels like no matter how long or how hard you cry it will never go away. I had convinced myself he was the one and when he didn’t want me I thought my chance at happiness was gone. 

Obviously, I was wrong. I later met my hubs and things worked out. Things always work, out right?

So, what to do with my new-found insight? I could just get in my car, crank up my AC be on my merry way with another uncomfortable trip to Walmart under my belt. Or, I could wait for my new friend outside Walmart kind of like a stalker and share with her my experience… 

So……. I waited…. Heart racing, Sweat pouring. She walked out and I proceeded to share my rambling thoughts with her.  I am sure I was talking a hundred miles and hour when I told her that someday she will look back on this experience and be grateful that it happened, be proud of herself for moving on and be grateful for the right woman that I am sure will have come into her life. She cried, I felt like crying. (Mostly because I was just sure I was going to keel over from a heart attack and how sad for my kids to have a Mom that died at Walmart) She thanked me for talking with her and said that it had helped, now comes the part where my foot made its grand appearance. She said “I hope that someday I find a wife that is as great as your wife Kris sounds”

“Wait what?” I was completely caught off guard. I fumbled over my words. “No... umm he has a penis, he’s a boy. I mean he’s a man!”

She laughed hysterically at my response and apologized for the confusion. She thanked me again for my “Kind words” and added a thank you for a laugh. “She needed that”

Glad I could be of service.

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This journey we call life has a way of working itself out. Those moments of gut wrenching pain fade soon to be forgotten. There is always hope.  I am grateful for my quirky little reminder of that today even if it happened in Walmart ( Dun. Dun. Dun!)